Servant of Chaos

The Perfect Gift for a Man - Join Us!

UPDATE: You can sign up to the Perfect Gift for a Man project here.

Towards the end of last week, it felt like the ManWeek efforts of Reach Out and Triple J were just starting to gain some traction. There were standout posts from Mark Pollard, Scott Drummond, Julian Cole, Jye Smith, Trent Collins and Gavin Bollard – but then it just stopped. And yet, it feels like there is more to be said, more to be shared, more honesty to be uncovered.

Over the last week Mark Pollard and I have been scheming … about what happens next. And we have come up with a plan – to produce a book in time for Father’s Day here in Australia. Yes – that is the first Sunday in September.

And we want YOUR submission!

That’s right – if you have written something for ManWeek you may already be way ahead. But if you haven’t, you have a week to get your thoughts, ideas, pictures, photos etc together.

Under the working title of “The Perfect Gift for a Man” we want you to share your personal (yes, very personal) stories of becoming a man – the joys, sorrows, challenges, regrets and triumphs. We want to hear about your Dad, your Son, your first job, admitting mistakes, overcoming challenges, living with issues, illness etc. Whatever your story is, we want to hear it.

Why?

The Inspire Foundation research indicates that:

Young men are at increased risk of suicide, drug and alcohol problems compared with the general population and age matched young females. They commit suicide almost three times more often than females of the same age and are also two to three times more likely to develop schizophrenia. These problems often start in adolescence, go undiagnosed and continue into adulthood placing a major burden on Australia's health care system and society.

We want this book to show that it is possible to share, honestly, the intense emotions and experiences of “becoming a man”. We want men to read the stories of others – to find strength in knowing that others have lived through issues and gone on live a rich life. And to realise that it is ok to reach out and ask for help when it is needed.

How?

You can send us:

• Stories: 500 or 1,000 words
• Photos
• Illustrations
• Designs
• Anything - make a song, t-shirt if you want. Whatever you’re good at - just make sure it’s yours.

As we have only just hatched this plan, we will let you know how to submit early next week. BUT to give us an indication of your interest, leave a comment here or join our Facebook page.

What’s going to happen?

This has to come together quickly. If you want to be involved, you have to send us your submission by July 20, 2009. If you don’t get us your entry by this date it cannot be included. Don’t ask.

Oh, and don’t exceed the word limit – we will either edit it down to size or discard it. If you create an illustration, photo etc, contact us for format requirements.

You will need to SIGN a release form that gives us permission to publish your work. In return you will see your name in a book, be part of a project that we hope will help make an impact on men’s mental health AND raise money for Reach Out / Inspire.

100% of the proceeds of the sale of these books will be donated to Reach Out.

Who can contribute?

We want a broad cross-section of men. So far we have the support of people within the marketing community, but we want to go far broader than this. We want doctors, lawyers, bricklayers, stay-at-home dads, artists – anyone can contribute.

Who is in the book?

So far, it is just Mark Pollard and I. Luca Ionescu has kindly agreed to create a logo for the project. But we think it will be far more interesting if you were involved too.

How can you help?

As Mark says, there are some things you can do to help us – even if you don’t want to contribute:

1. Contribute something super sweet (by Monday July 20, 2009)
If you don’t have time or don’t see yourself as a content-maker, consider adding some ideas to the project: marketing, PR, events, stunts, anything. Pull some favours.

2. Get someone interesting to do the above
So far, most ManWeek bloggers have been from the marketing, advertising, technology sectors. We want people from all backgrounds to have a stab at this. If you have a granddad with an incredible story, get him to tell it. If you know or are a musician, sportsperson, policeman, farmer, miner, journalist, tattoo artist, biker… please have a go.

3. Tell someone about it
Tweet away. Blog about it. Tell friends about the Facebook page. Please do not feel obliged to link to this blog post.

4. Help us break out of the internet
If you have contacts with journalists, bloggers, politicians… people with influence. Tell them about this project. If you’re watching your kid play soccer this weekend and find yourself standing next to a man, tell them about it.

5. Buy the book (or e-book) when it launches
Give it to a husband, a son, a dad, a granddad. Maybe consider buying bulk to give to your male staff.

So what are you waiting for? Get writing – the clock is ticking!

Action Aid’s Project Toto - Social Media to Change the World

Sometimes we need to see something out of context before we can understand a situation. And sometimes a new context has to be imagined before a solution to an entrenched problem can be found.

In an ambitious effort to raise the Australian public’s awareness of the causes of poverty, Action Aid has launched Project Toto (The Overseas Training Operation). During this two week project, Australian blogger Stilgherrian is in Tanzania to provide some insight to the plight of villagers living in Kilimani. But he is also there to educate – to bring the technology, processes and an understanding of blogging to the locals who very much see education as a way out of poverty.

But as Archie Law, CEO of Action Aid, explains, the risks and consequences of blogging in a country like Tanzania go far beyond a few snarky comments:

In spite of the challenges in training people to use technology it’s far more complex to explain the implicit threat in the use of the technology and how bloggers engage with that risk. For example a blogger could be posting some confronting views on the activities of mining companies in Tanzania and then face severe backlash from Government if that is seen as opposing economic development.

If a blogger understood the risk and is prepared to take it that’s one thing… if  a blogger is unaware of the risk and stumbles in to a situation where he or she places themselves, colleagues and communities at risk, we potentially have a disaster on our hands.

It is perhaps, in communities like this, that the greatest potential exists for social media to transform lives. For not only does it change an individual’s capacity to reach, inform and educate others, it also opens us all to the powerful, first hand stories that are so easily drowned out by the noise of mainstream media.

But like anything, success needs more than just a blog here and there - and this is where the training kicks in. If this is done right, Stilgherrian will leave behind in Tanzania a group of people armed with the technology (thanks to some generous sponsors) and the skills to begin using the “social” media platforms that we have taken for granted. It will be fascinating to see where this goes (update: minutes after posting, Stilgherrian advises that the first blog posts are live!).

Oh, and Action Aid are looking for their next outreach blogger. You can nominate yourself or make a donation here.

ManWeek #4: Another Word for Father

I found a small urn today
   it held the conversations which
for you
   fell from my mouth like riddles

The story of my disappointment carries the
   weight of broken doors
and YOU?
   You wait on the other side
All conflict aside
   All affection left at the doorstep
Was that what it WAS all for?

You were never there, never there
   I searched for a tract, for even the smell
of where you had been
   Finding instead
      the anger in me in me

I have never shown this poem to anyone else. It was written 12 or more years ago, but its fury still takes my breath. I am only sharing it with you because of the astounding bravery of others who have written so eloquently during ManWeek. In fact, it was Age Conte’s post this morning that tipped me over the edge.

Obviously the relationship with my father is nothing like what I have read in the posts of others this week. In fact, it is non-existent. We have not spoken for a decade – and I can honestly say, now, that I am not bitter about this. In fact, it was a conscious decision on my part.

And while we often hear about the importance of fathers and the often difficult relationship that men have with their dads, I can also tell you that they do not define the person you become (unless you allow it to). Now I am not saying that my own father was a bad man – but perhaps he was just a man, with all the attendant weaknesses, honours, fears and hopes that we are all prone to. Perhaps he wasn’t the father that I wanted, but like Age, in my dad I did learn “everything about what my journey to manhood has to involve”.

And this is the point. It is MY journey. No one can do this for me. No one can take away the pain or embarrassment or own the joy and excitement that comes our way. The best we can do is the best that we can do. And the worst we must learn to live with – and maybe, just maybe, forgive.

Participating in ManWeek has been both confronting and humbling. It is far harder to do than you might imagine. And while this #ManWeek campaign appears to be an echo chamber, think for a moment about what you can do to change that situation – how you can extend or continue the conversation, open it to those men who need to hear/read these stories. And if you want inspiration, check Mark Pollard’s site for a list of great posts. Check also Harry O’Brien’s article.

But at the end of the day, if any of this has helped just one person, then that is reward enough.

ManWeek #3: Courage and Responsibility

There have been some great ManWeek posts. Julian Cole and Matt Hazel both wrote about bullying – each with different perspectives. Matt Moore looked at how men can be uncomfortable with their own sense of self and Benjamin Law shared his love of Mariah Carey. Stan Johnson told us about the way he disappointed his parents with his career choice (advertising) – and who can blame them ;) And Craig Wilson skirted the question but still managed to provide some interesting thoughts on men and the media.

But it is Mark Pollard who calls us all out with a searingly honest post about some of the reasons why men find it so hard to talk about themselves:

Just to be clear, I don’t write about this stuff for sympathy or to put myself out there as this sensitive guy. I write about it hoping someone will relate to it - and not feel alone.

And, for me, this is where two aspects of manhood collide – courage and responsibility.

Now, I have always been “responsible”. Ever since I can remember I have been reliable – I cared for my younger brother and sister, I looked out for my cousins when they came to my tough high school (who am I kidding – they were bigger than me), I stayed sober and drove my friends home when they had too much to drink and I am always willing to share my time, experience and thinking with friends.

But I haven’t always been courageous.

If I am honest, this overarching sense of responsibility created an inner vortex of intensity that would very rarely erupt. I used to fantasize about what might happen should this personal fury ever slip past the guardians of my iron will.

Now, I have never been an imposing figure, physically. I was so short when I started high school that I had to jump to pull the chord in the bus that signalled the driver to stop. And while I loved team sport, I soon learned that size mattered on the field – and even the most enthusiastic player gets tired of being thrown around like a rag doll. My great asset was my quick wit, smart mouth and an ability to sail close to the wind – to walk a fine line between being funny and being offensive. But this always meant keeping control.

Now, this didn’t mean that I escaped being bullied. Far from it. But one of the things that I learned is that violence escalates when words fail. Mark Pollard calls this “Testosterone and the Neanderthal”. But violence doesn’t have to be physical. No matter whether you back a person into a corner by words or physicality, if there is no escape then there can only be violence.

The moments of my greatest shame have occurred when I did not have the courage NOT to speak – where I fell back upon my inner fury and directed it outward. But there are no “winners” when it comes to violence – and there is no pleasure that comes from belittling another and certainly no glory. It is, however, EASIER. It is easier to be cruel and cutting – to appear in control – but it is much harder (for men, though I have no doubt also for women) to be generous, inclusive, forgiving.

I constantly strive to live my life generously – and it is a struggle. It is easier not to witness the small injustices of daily life than to courageously respond to them with humanity and with care. It’s easier to state your opinion than to ask where you can help or how you can serve. And it’s easier to claim mastery than to be respected. But for me, this is what it is all about.

Tagging update: Let's take it out of the comments and see what Gordon Whitehead, Stephen Collins and Alan Jones have to say on the topic of ManWeek.

ManWeek #2: A Little Fluffy

The ManWeek coverage continue today with bold discussions of sexuality, gender and its link with our sense of manhood. The producer of Triple J’s Hack kicked off the forum discussion with some interesting thought starters plucked from the show:

"People that r presumptuous about your sexuality r idiots & suk like alfa males!"

"Physicaly i might be classified as an alpha male 6 foot 4 fit and play soccer but i play video games, have never had a girl friend dont drink and don't get involvet in fisty cuffs. I'm cool with who I am even if people think i'm a nerd."

"Im a 21 yr old diesel fitter in a straigh relationship. My best friend is a girl. Y shuld i feel unmanly because of that?"

"I've had a few boyfriends that most people think are gay. Softer more emotional guys make way better boyfriends than alpha males! Jo"

Throughout my teens and well into my 20s I would find myself often being invited out by gay men. Sometimes it could be embarrassing, but most of the time it made me smile – especially when the approach was inventive. I don’t really know what the source of this attraction was … perhaps it was the pony tail. Or my soft, sexy voice. Or the fact I studied drama. Maybe I just looked a little fluffy.

But while this attention didn’t bother me – close friends found it confronting. Some later admitted that they were gay but had not yet become comfortable with their sexuality. Others felt that gay sexuality was being flaunted in their faces. And while there is an intensity in all this – I also found there was an easy pleasure in the company of men – whether gay or straight. And it was by looking beyond the issues of sexuality that I found the bonds of friendship.

And you know what? One of the best nights of my life was at a school disco where I dressed up as Boy George (hey, it was the 80s). I never had so many girls dance with me … ever.

And speaking of the 80s … Gavin Costello has written a great ManWeek post on growing up in the 80s; while Matt Moore talks about becoming a father.

Tagging update: And now I’d love to hear a ManWeek tale from Stan Johnson, Jye Smith and Tim Longhurst.

Balls and Bravado

The body in motion is not without pain.

Arms gasping.

  Eyeballs askew

At the end of my sinews

  Blood bleaches like fingernails.

The dead protein of my love for you

  splices thoughts, memories

     Lips in the wind.

And all around me, the loving audience

  bleating my name

Calling, calling

  For the same loss that engulfs

Every whispered word.

-----

The transition into adulthood is fraught with emotion and unbound intensities. It is a time of testing – we pit ourselves against the world, against each other and we emerge scarred, occasionally beautiful and sometimes damaged. But what shape do our scars take and what is their legacy? What of those who do not successfully shed their battle worn skins?

Unfortunately, many young men don’t make the transition in one piece. The complications of life, unexpected responsibilities, depression and anxiety can all play a part – where we increasingly find ourselves isolated, set apart, on the edge.

I wrote this poem many years ago. And while it seems as though I am listening to forgotten whispers, the emotional impact still claws my chest. Poetry was an outlet for me. It was a connection with an unimagined audience.

But every poem brought me closer to someone. I would be “caught” writing. I would ask friends for advice on the poems, or ideas on their construction – all the while realising it was a thinly disguised call for help.

These days, young men continue to find themselves in situations which feel insurmountable – resulting in higher than average rates of drug and alcohol dependence. Furthermore, rates of suicide are through the roof and young men are three times more likely to develop schizophrenia than young women.

But thanks to sites like ReachOut, you no longer need to suffer in silence (or resort to poetry). This week, the ManWeek campaign kicks off – and you can tune in to Triple J to listen to the experiences of young men across the country – from the Alpha Male to the Mummy’s Boy and everywhere in-between, ManWeek will show that your story is just as valid – and just as common – as other young men who are trying to find ways of dealing with life.

Let’s face it, it doesn’t just take balls and bravado to be a man these days. Sometimes it means coming to grips with your family, acknowledging that your Dad isn’t a rolling stone, and that dysfunction can be just as beautiful as any other way of life. The important part is to begin reaching out – communicating and sharing how you feel. It’s not easy. But it’s not as hard as you might think (and you can always leave a comment here). You can also share your experiences at the ReachOut blog or on the forum (yeah you need to register).

If you happen to be awake early, you can tune in for the Triple J Breakfast show; and if you have a Twitter account you can join in with the hash tag #manweek. Talk to me, I am @servantofchaos.

Tagging update: Every man must have a story - but what is yours? I am particularly interested in hearing the tales of Zac Martin, Craig Wilson and Frank Sting.

Alphabet Stories - A Fundraiser

There is no doubt that micro-finance can change your life. Sites like Kiva have provided many of us with the opportunity to invest in a specific entrepreneur’s efforts to lift themselves out of poverty. To me it feels like an antidote to the facelessness of aid and provides me with a real sense of being able to DO something – even if the scale is small.

But for some people, this small scale investing is not enough. Jasmin Tragas, for example, wants to setup her own micro-finance program with Opportunity International. Her goal is to raise $10,000 to set the program running – and to provide women in the Philippines with opportunities they would otherwise not have.

You can help Jasmin help others by chipping in here – and you can learn more about how micro-finance and social networks are coming together to make this project a reality.

View more OpenOffice presentations from Jasmin Tragas.

Fresh Air Fund’s Dollar-for-Dollar Campaign

I have written in the past about the Fresh Air Fund – the charity which gives kids from inner-city New York the opportunity to experience a summer camp in a small community far away from the pressures that cities can place on even the youngest of its inhabitants. Well, it is coming close to summer holiday time in the US, and the Fund are still looking for host families. It is a chance to open your door and your heart to boys and girls, six to 12 years old, who reside in low-income communities in New York City.

The Fund have a long history of helping to change kids lives:

In 1877, the Reverend Willard Parsons, minister of a small rural parish in Sherman, Pennsylvania, asked members of his congregation to provide country vacations as volunteer host families for children from New York City tenements. This was the beginning of The Fresh Air Fund tradition. By 1884, Reverend Parsons was writing about The Fund for New York’s Herald Tribune, and the number of children served grew. In 2008, close to 10,000 New York City children experienced the joys of summertime in Friendly Towns and at five Fund camps in upstate New York.

Currently, thanks to some generous sponsors, every dollar that is donated to the Fresh Air Fund will be matched dollar-for-dollar. So if you don’t have the space to host a child, perhaps you could double the benefit of a small donation. This is only available until June 30.

Seek Out Some Volunteering - Volunteering Unplugged

Have you ever volunteered? What did you make of it? Did it work for you? Did it work for the organisation?

 A while back, as part of the Volunteering Unplugged initiative from Seek, I was asked to volunteer my time, energy and ideas to a local non-profit. It just so happened that Annie Le Cavalier from Vibewire Youth Inc had been to our regular coffee morning here in Sydney, so I checked whether there might be a good fit with my skills and what they needed to do.

What started out as a few hours discussing strategic challenges evolved into a whole lot more. As I got to know Annie and what she and the Vibewire team were trying to do, I realised that there was a great deal of opportunity. Over the years, Vibewire have built an impressive community of passionate and articulate young members and are effectively the unmediated voice of Australian Youth. They provide a platform and the mentoring and experience that helps young people transition into, and become successful in, the workforce.

Since my first volunteer meeting with Vibewire, I have met accountants, social entrepreneurs, students, writers, programmers, marketers and a wide variety of passionate and deeply engaged young people whom I would never have otherwise come into contact with. And it has certainly changed my perception of Gen Y. You can read my brief story here.

And I think that is what volunteering is all about. Sure, it is nice to “give back”, but volunteering is a two-way street. You get a lot “out of” volunteering too. It gives you the chance to hear the stories of others and to participate in their lives in a meaningful way – and because of this, because it becomes personal, volunteering can change the way you look at the world. And it is not all baking scones and visiting people. There are a vast number of non-profits who need business help, marketing support and technology assistance – and a few hours from you could really help them get back to the task of helping others. So have a think about volunteering some of your time.

But don’t take my word for it. Read the stories of other bloggers who took the Volunteering Unplugged:

Life in Mono , Firebug Theme , Miss McMuffin , Autumn Leaves , Blogpost.com , Sheila’s Wonderings , The life of an Audit Diva , Adspace-Pioneers , Corporate Engagement , Wonderwebby , Consumer Psychologist , Imaginif

Thanks to Julian Cole for getting me involved!

A Tribute to A Woman’s Investment

When we look at the vast sea of problems in our world, it can be overwhelming to choose where to focus our efforts. There are calls on our home phones asking for donations, there are emails requesting assistance and there are campaigns, natural disasters and requests closer to home. Many people, confused and perhaps, overwhelmed with choice, do little – or only contribute to good causes when the call is resoundingly strong (as happened recently with the bushfires in the Australian state of Victoria).

But recently, sites like Kiva have emerged with innovative micro-financing models designed to bring entrepreneurs in developing countries together with “micro-investors” – like you and me. And from as little as $25, you can begin to build a portfolio of investments in small businesses that have significant local impacts in communities far from where you live.

Some time ago, I invested a small amount of money with Mrs Lê Thị Sách who needed to raise $825 to purchase pigs and stores for her shop in Vietnam. A number of other people loaned her small amounts of money until the total was reached:

On this second year with TYM, she is applying for a loan of 825 USD to buy breeding pigs and grocery stock to sell. Her 2 children are grown up. She hopes that with this loan, she will be able to increase her revenue so she would be able to help her grand children and repair her house.

This loan is now almost 70% repaid – and the balance is now available in my Kiva account – ready for me to withdraw or reinvest.

And while Kiva is a great way to feel like you can make a difference in a tangible way, other people, like Jasmin Tragas go direct. Some time ago, Jasmin started raising funds for an Opportunity International project in The Philippines. This was an effort she took upon herself and continues to follow through in various ways. She has created eBooks, invited people to purchase beautiful photographs and also begun using ChipIn to raise funds for the project on her blog.

The entrepreneurial poor in the Philippines are an incredible bunch of individuals who are rising up out of poverty and circumstances to develop their small businesses. The small banks and organisations like Opportunity International Australia who provide them with the loans, training and programs are equally doing a wonderful thing by creating opportunities to end the poverty cycle and impact whole communities.

At the moment, and only for a few more days, Australian bloggers can help Jasmin raise $1000 for A Woman’s Investment by writing a tribute blog post like this. Each post written will generate a $100 donation from Incentive House – up to a maximum of $1000. Please help by writing, twittering and even donating via ChippedIn (see Jasmin’s site for inspiration). It’s a great investment that will be repaid many times over.